Grief is probably the most agonising experience we all have to cope with at some stage in our lives. It comes in different forms – sometimes with unimaginable cataclysmic force and at others reluctantly anticipated. There is nothing fair about great grief – it is not evenly distributed and it never occurs at the right time.
The loss of a young life seems particularly meaningless, and yet the influence of that person’s life on those left behind may be just as great as that of someone who has lived ten times as long, but like most of the significant things in life, great grief cannot be measured.
Whatever the circumstances we lurch through an emotional roller-coaster experiencing shock, despair, desolation and anger as we struggle to blot out the pain of previous expectations and adapt to a different future without our loved one, but as they would have wanted.
You won’t know if you’re going to ‘sink’ or ‘swim’ through the experience until you are there, there is no magic medicine but there are ‘buoyancy aids’ out there to help. These come in a variety of forms – a phone call, a note through the door, a day out, talking about the unmentionable, sharing of memories with tears & laughter – yes, I dared to say laughter but perhaps most important of all, having a spiritual sense which enables you to ‘carry’ that person around with you forever and yet free you simultaneously. A friend sent me this quote*:
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*Ann Lewin
